Facebook Quotes for January 2014

My Facebook post from 2013 started in January and ran through the entire year for twelve long months.  Friends trying to keep up with it told me it was difficult  to start at the beginning of the only "true blog" I keep and arrow down to the last post.   This year, I will post my blog from one month to the next as a separate story throughout the 2014 calendar year?  If you find yourself remotely interested in what goes on in my thoughts and mind, please take the time to join and let me know you are here.  I personally enjoy every fingerprint that is left here and appreciate your comments even more.  There are occasional short stories I do post along with my Facebook Quotes Blog so if you have the time to join, again, please do,  I am still trying to figure out who my favorite fan actually is.  Their name is Anonymous! No last name.  Imagine that.

 January

          As I closed out my Facebook Quotes of 2013 just last night before 2300 hours, I mentioned that my sister Diane was yet once again in the hospital.  Before the pending midnight hour gave her permission for 2014 to begin and after closing my final post for 2013, I received a text from my niece Lori, informing me that her mom was in congestive heart failure and seemed to be getting much worse since entering the hospital last Friday.  Linda had already gone to bed before the midnight hour and I had to go pick up my granddaughter from a new years party she was attending so I suppressed any attempts to ascertain any further information.  As the 1st day of the new year dawned, I gathered myself together along with my laptop and moved to the media room to exist peacefully on this New Year's Day and my 29th wedding anniversary. Linda stirred in the kitchen preparing cabbage and blackeyed peas.  As I opened up Facebook for the first time this year, I discovered that Lori had posted a picture of my oldest sister's legs on her wall.  My heart simply broke.  I remembered how diabetes and congestive heart failure presented its horrible presence on the human body as I recalled  my own mother in the final stage of the winter of her life.  This digital photo caused a flashback reaction of what I remember from my mother's final days, what I was seeing of my own sister, and possibly a snapshot of my own future.  Left alone to sift through the memories, present truth and future possibilities, it caused my heart to ache.  I asked myself, just how much can a person stand?  How much pain and discomfort is humanly possible before one "gives up?"  This is not the first time our family has been here with Diane, yet every time she found herself totally dependent on the care of others, she maintained her optimistic attitude toward life regardless of her present situation.  Why can't I feel this optimism as I look at these pictures?  

          I will not be posting this on Facebook for casual friends to stumble across.  I don't even know why I feel the need to express my feelings on this first day of a new year.  I guess I am sharing theses thoughts on my blog as I know that only those that really care for and about me will actually make the time to come here as to contemplate the highs and lows of my shared moment(s).  You know as I know that death in and of itself is as important in the cycle of life as is birth.  Those of us "of faith" embrace the final step of life with the knowledge we will once again "see" that person in where we know our resurrected Christ went to prepare for us a place to worship Him again.  I don't understand it nor can I explain it in the simplicity of a story.  I just believe it in my heart as much as I believe the fact I love people.  It is that real.  What interferes in this moment  of "turning loose" of someone we love is the fact we are simply selfish and do not want to give up the one we love to eternal peace.

          Regardless, when the time comes, we somehow accept the inevitable.  We want what is best for the one we have loved for so many years.  It is still not "our" desire for this event to occur, we just accept it and condition our hearts for whatever is to come.  We then participate in the formalities of cultural goodbyes and move into the next phase we define as the healing process.  I know these are morbid thoughts, but that is exactly where I am as I sit in the media room of my home and share my feelings on this 1st day of 2014.  It is still my 29th anniversary and  the smell of cabbage and black eyed peas along with other traditional foods tease my olfactory senses as I complete my first thoughts for this beginning year.  Nothing will stop the unknown yet anticipated events of our near and distant future. As for me I have a heavy heart on this day and struggle with the uncertainty of driving to Monroe and visiting with my sister, where at anytime,  I am expecting my grown kids and assorted grand kids to burst unannounced through the well worn doors of my home.  This event signals the beginning of festivities and encourages Meggie La Mew to seek a hiding place to protect herself from constant muddling...  My mood will be distracted for a while until I receive yet another update on Diane's condition and from that source of information will I decide what the coming evening of the 1st day of January 2014 urges me to do... 

          I am fine.  It is part of the ups and downs of life and today just happens to be one of those down times accented with periods of highs.  I also know there are others reading these very words that are experiencing similar circumstances in their present lives.  Some of these downs may parallel those of my own while others may be living a more protracted expression of love played out over a greater period of time.  So as spouses, children, and extended family set aside yet another holiday to care for a dependent soul we love, only one conclusion can be drawn.  "Has to go up from here, huh?"  I do thank God for my close friends.  Your prayers and just knowing you are out there in my world validates the truth that this too, shall pass.  Now, what treasures will I glean from this experience?

Posted January 1, 2014 from my home








          Folkses, before weather satellites and mass media existed, people dwelled in cities all along coastal waters. Without much warning, Category 2, 3 and 4 hurricanes swept upon them and in one swift move destroyed thousands. Fast forward to the 21st century! Thank goodness we have everything we need to prepare ourselves for catastrophic events! With every event in the entire world a push button away because of electronic media, we can all safely live in the shadows of Pompeii knowing all we have to do is pay our sacrifices in the form of taxes to our government and never EVER FEAR of anything...

  Now, let me see if I can finish this in a more clear and intended way.  We as a collective nation sat one day in the shadow of Pompeii and watched as our attorney general, Janet Reno under the leadership of President Bill Clinton, slaughter 150 men, women, and children in Waco, TX.  As these events unfolded across the United States compliments of the electronic media, not one patriot moved to help protect the innocent from the hell we eventually saw released upon those poor people by the Federal Government we elected to protect us.  That was before the Department of Homeland Security was even formed!  And everything that happened that led up to the tragic murder of these people had nothing to do with national defense.  Well...  It doesn't matter.  Now we have a progressive democratic party in charge of this country.  Progressive, progressive... Oh yes... Socialist...

Posted January 5 from my home. 

          It is 16 degrees here at my river on this very cold January morning. As I arrived I noticed the Alexandria side has turned off their Christmas lights, yet here on the Pineville side our Peace on Earth still greets those coming into our city. Since the first of the year my river has been  noticeably higher than normal. The water presents herself with that murky red color of disturbed silt like clay which is characteristic of  her free run when the locks are opened.  This morning reflective lighting across the way makes her inky surface glimmer before the gates of dawn baths her color. It does not reflect anger or discontent. Just beckons me to notice her and become entranced once again in her beauty and what she reveals to me. That makes it so easy  for me to relax my mind in preparation for the remaining day. 

 

Here is the only comment I received with what I thought was a more accurate answer:

 

Linda Pittman Davidson: You definitely have an affinity with the river.

 

Rod Ferguson: Linda, I would say my affinity with my river is more like an affair. Has been going on for a while and as long as her beauty seduces my thoughts and stills my sometimes restless mind, I don't see it ending anytime soon...

 Posted January 7 from my river.

          The locks have been closed and my river is staging. She sits below me quiet yet moving in different directions as if to call my attention to something?? Maybe she realizes that the last signs of Christmas have been removed from our meeting place? Christmas of 2013. Was it that long ago? Looking one more time at her surface and I'm still amazed. What is she trying to tell me??

Posted January 9 from my river.




          Beautiful post birthday morning here at my river. So different than yesterday's start of heavy rains, she is like a mirror reflecting her soul to me. How do you say thanks to so many of my friends who took the time to acknowledge my 4th year of my 7th decade. I didn't realize how comforting it is to know so many are with me on any particular day. Did not know what road my day would take with such a dismal start, but because of all of you reading this it simply turned out wonderful! May we all engage what is here before us.  A most beautiful, promising day. 

Posted January 14 from my river




          My soul, what a beautiful morning here at my river! At 4:30 I pulled to a stop at my favorite place and just breathed in the picture before me. The wind was blowing out of the northeast at a pretty fair clip as my 60x30 foot flag was at full extension.  Blowing down river, the wind rippled the surface waters reflecting an image that she was moving rapidly down stream when actually she is in pool stage and peaceful. The full moon hangs above my drawbridge displayed in complete roundness accented by the planet Jupiter, just off her left shoulder.  Common as it might appear, it is difficult to remind yourself that separation between the moon and Jupiter exist by millions of miles?  The surface water of  my river constantly entertains interference of urban lighting across the way as is her reflective nature, however this morning, the moon factors into the dancing surface reminding me of my many blessings.  Sometimes as I sit patiently by her side only silence bids her passing, but this morning her message was spoken to me with a clear understanding. She said, "It appears to you that I am moving rapidly with deliberant precision toward my destiny.  I want you to understand that with age it will appear that you are moving seemingly faster to your destiny as well.  Due to this reality that your end is closer to you than that of your distant beginning, I wish for you to enjoy the gifts I present for your eyes to see and for your mind to contemplate."  Then she told me to try and understand one last thing, "I follow the path of least resistance from my beginning to my end because I have no choice. The heart of mankind though is unlike the beauty of any river.  Tell me someday the real meaning of free will as defined by the consequences of your choices."  And my affair with my river continues...
 

          As I have said many times in these early morning Facebook post, my river speaks to me often.  It just seemed this morning was especially clear.  Could it possibly be because my oldest sister is still in the hospital?  Not to mention that with each passing year the knocking on my door is louder and comes around faster than it did last year?   Maybe that is why I was awakened at 3:30 am and drove to my river's side an hour earlier than ever before.  Regardless, it is becoming obvious that I am posting way too much as the message I intended to convey was totally side stepped by posts from assorted friends.   I was becoming somewhat frustrated that what I intended to say was left untouched by their comments until I posted this:
 

Rod Ferguson:  Well! It made sense to me! Rivers can talk ya know...

 

          It seemed then the gate opened, and confirmation came to me in printed words.  I became somewhat  overwhelmed as this was forwarded to my post:

 

Pam Turner Nations:   Oh yes, rivers can talk. Listen, you'll be told. Watch, you'll be shown. Be still, and you will know.

 

Rod Ferguson:   Whew! I thought I was the only one that knew that. I will cancel my prescription...

 

Pam Turner Nations:  Ok, truth time! The river doesn't actually speak. However, it does enhance your spirit's ability to commune with the Creator of said river.

 

Rod Ferguson:  Balaam knows well of what you speak, Sister Pam... Words wisely spoken...

 

Pat Hall Carruth:  I am right there with you!!! I figured out that my lil riva(Cane River) allows me the environment of deeper soul searching!!! It does enhance my spirit's ability to commune with my creator!!! And when the spirit says, "you might want to throw that in the River" I do it!!! No harmful voices in my head!!! Lol. And I haven't thrown any persons in the River, yet!!! Lol. I am glad I live where I live, but if I didn't, I would commute!! It is good for my soul!!! 
 

Posted January 15 from my river




          Almost a week has past since I've visited my blog.  I just finished my third short story this month alone and don't know if I'm going to post it or not.  I find that incredibly amazing since I've barely written that many stories in the last three years! I feel the last vestiges of drag may have slipped behind me as I move back into what I once knew as warp speed.  Maybe it is because my sister Diane has slipped the grasp of death yet again and knowing my son is safe from the crossed swords of war.  I just know the thought of losing someone when I needed them the most has finally removed itself from my everyday "coping mechanism!" So what stands out on this day?  A wintry mix of snow and sleet has accumulated on the ground and in keeping with the knee jerk reactions of the southland, everything is being or has been closed down.  I just wrapped my arms around my brand new 8 year old grandson, Ashton and told him happy birthday.  Same old agonizing thought as I wonder again where this last year has slipped away too.  He asked me if I could go easy on his ribs as I love to bite him there.  Told me his neck hurts so I focused all of my attention there with the same results.  What is it about little boy sugar?  You folkses be careful in this weather!  There is still a projected high of 62 degrees, Saturday...

Posted January 23 from my home

 

          It was around noon on Saturday, January 25, 2014, during a concealed carry class at Doyle’s house that I felt it first.  Didn’t pay much attention to it other than when I pursed my lips it was awkward.  I felt no headache or experienced any other surprise announcement that things were suddenly going to change for me just 12 days after turning 63.  I was experiencing no stress other than spending the night at my mother-in-law’s house.  I was doing what I enjoy doing, teaching firearms training and concealed carry.  I told my friend Doyle, who is also a NRA Pistol Instructor, (whose house we were all at) that something was wrong and that I should leave.  My students, also defined as personal friends and family, noticed a change in my smile as we moved to the range part of the instruction.  By this time I could not even whistle.   Called Linda and told her.  After I finished the entire class I went back to West Monroe, picked up Linda from her moms, and let her drive back to Alexandria.  On the trip from West Monroe to Alexandria, I was able to talk to my friends in the medical community from Arlington to Jackson, along with several lay folks that know a friend of a friend and my diagnoses of Bells Palsy vs. stroke was settled in my mind.  Had it not been for Linda’s insistence, I may not have even gone to the hospital.  Fast forward to the assessment evaluation:  Arrived at the emergency room at 7:45PM Saturday, avoided folks with flu until 12 midnight, and then I tell them I think I’m just gonna go home.  A male nurse asked me to smile.  Then he strongly suggests that I stay and see a doctor.  Wasn’t long before I’m called from the masses gathered beside the pool at Bethsaida to the place where blood is drawn and an IV is placed in my arm.  Linda told me they had me now.  At 2 AM a cat scan was ordered.  Back into the gathered masses beside the pool I went.  Linda gave up the spirit and went to the car to sleep while awaiting a final decision on whether or not I was staying or going.  At 4:45 I was called by name to enter the temple sanctuary of the emergency facility.  I was escorted to my own treatment room as to be prepared for sacrifice.  At 5:30 the ER physician examined me and asked if I had insurance or obamacare and when I said Blue Cross Blue Shield, lights and sirens went off in the hallowed sanctuary and I was accepted for the sacrificial cleansing that I curse before the actual letting of blood.  He told me besides the obvious presentation of Bells Palsy there were indicators of stroke and he admitted me for further test.  I awakened Linda from her rest in the car for her to come and collect my .45 and take it home so she could rest.  I stayed in this room from about 4am until they moved me to a private room around 6pm Sunday afternoon. From here an MRI was done along with a carotid scan and something else as I can't remember. As 9 pm approached I had not slept for almost 40 hours. I told my attending nurse I was tired but still for some reason adrenalin pumped because of my still yet undefined reason for being here other than a paralyzed face. She finally got approval for some sort of sleep aid and the last thing I remember was someone asking me  "are you drugged?" I awakened at 7 am Monday morning and slipped to the mirror to look closely at what was reflecting back at me. Maybe 48 or more hours after the initial uninvited assault upon my face, this malady had finally defined the damage I must now condition my mind to recover from.  The left side of my face is totally paralyzed and rest noticibly drooped. My eye cannot be totally closed and when not blurred my vision is doubled. I see two of whatever, not side by side but on top of one another. Friends call and visit which encourages my resolve and this morning a physical therapist said the MRI was negative. Now I must visit with me and decide how quickly I choose to respond to my recovery and just how. I mean really. I already know what those that love me have asked of God on my behalf? They tell me and in many cases actually prayed for me their desires and request. As I stare at what is still me in the mirror, I feel this Omnipotent whisper in my head. "I know. I think you look funny too!  Now. When are you ready to get started?" Thanks all of you for your fingerprints in my life.

I was just informed "NO Stroke"!  They are letting me go home for a week of rest and recuperation before I attempt to return to work.

Posted January 27 from room 652 in Cabrini Hospital




          My sister, Diane Panzico Coleman, passed away at 12:15 or so on this day.  It was not an unexpected passing, but a passing still the same.  She is where nothing can ever take her away from us again.

Posted January 28 with a very heavy heart




          And as with the rest of my life, as I sit here alone in the confines of my warm home, I am reminded yet once again of the promise made when my Dad passed in 1996.  As I read the last words I typed for my sister's eulogy, I lean back in my chair with tears in my eyes and look outside at the melting snow that remains in my back yard.  With that picture in my head, my mockingbird sings to me for the first time since before thanksgiving.  I've got a grip on this now.  With all of the memories flooding back, I needed this cleansing of my spirit.  Things are right where they need to be at this moment in time.  I am reminded that I still have life to live!

And of Course, Comments from friends and family:

 

Carolyn W. Gresham:   He speaks when you need it most and perhaps the length of time since you last heard Him makes this all the more precious. God knew!

 

Pam Turner Nations:  2 Corinthians 4:7-9 "but we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed , but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed."
Prayers are with your family.

 

Karen Gauthier:   yep, you do, Rod.... you know all the pep talks you've had with me, buddy.... and i won't lie, it has been a long road, but for the most part, it has gotten better.... i think, finally, my doc has gotten my meds right too, that helps a lot!! You hang in there buddy, it will get better, and you know i don't just say that "in one of those phrases everybody says and don't really have a CLUE", i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart!!

 

Sandi Shannon Woods:   Glad you felt like writing .. Glad we talked .. Glad the world will be right cause you still have a lot of life yet to be seen!! ️

Hilton Frizell:   Grief can only be handled through Gods hands

 

Betty Green Martin:  It's good that you know that The Lord is your strength and comforter. Love you, Bro

 

Barry R. McCain:   well said Rod.

 

Leona Price Cagle:   There surely is a lot more life to live. Think of Linda. Those grand kids and the other sisters. They only have one brother, husband and poppy. It's time to get on with living...love

 

Nona Lee Ledford:   You will ALWAYS be my handsome brother! I WILL kiss your face and make it better, too. :-) Come home and be with us.

 

Sandra Borden:   Yes, Brother! We love what's inside. Just hope my inside is loved as much as yours. See you soon!

 

Lori Panzico Smith:   Uncle Rod , you are always saying the sweetest things. I know this is hard for you too as for all of us. I Appreciate all the encouragement . I also have tears running down my face that wont stop today. She was the best mother anyone could have and always loved us no matter what. I am gonna miss her so much !

Posted January 29 from my home

          So my precious friends, the last day of January begins with the same theme the first entry on my blog of Facebook Quotes of 2014 also began. I guess my question "just how much can a person can take" resolved itself as we say our goodbyes and lay my oldest sister, Diane Ferguson Panzico Coleman to rest tomorrow on the 1st day of February. I will say no more as that Peace that passes all understanding has consoled the hearts of those that love her and we take the time to bid her farewell at her wake this afternoon. The lessons she taught us that will remain in out hearts and actions as we pass them on to generations yet unseen is why I say that nothing will ever take her away from us again. My heart felt thanks to all of my friends, extended friends and every person who lifted prayers to help sustain our families in our loss. All of us have struggled with saying goodbye to a loved one and have been exactly where we are today, some more recently than others.  Many of us are destined to be experiencing this yet again sooner than we may desire. My prayer is that I can be to you in your time of grief what you have been to me personally. Oh how our God interacts in the hearts of his children. And it came to pass... And Pass it surely will...
For they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

 

Posted January 31 from my home




          Wanted to share this with my friends.  LeeAnn is my sister's youngest daughter.  She posted on her wall yesterday a reflection of her mother.  Please read the comments.  At the funeral today, two of LeeAnn's friends approached me and thanked me for what I said below.  Not for me to be given praise for simple words, but because the knew my niece LeeAnn well enough to know it comforted her heart.

Posted on the wall of LeeAnn Panzico Shows:

• What an AMAZiNG mom, wife, sister, aunt, daughter, and grandmother she was! She was the most tender hearted woman,with the sweetest spirit, I have ever known! She blessed the hearts of everyone that knew her and will be forever missed!!!

  Rod Ferguson:   My sweet Lee Ann. Do your mother's brother a favor. Go look into a mirror and take a long look. Look past the reflection that is you. I love you because there you will find her.

• LeeAnn Panzico Shows:   Uncle Rod, i have no words. You warm my heart more than you realize! I love you!!

Posted 1 Febuary from my home as I celebrate my sisters life.