JUNE
Seems like forever since my last post back on the 24th of May. I had a close friend tell me on the last Saturday of May, that I have neglected my blog and had plenty of time left to collect my thoughts on something I could share that might be interesting. I thought then and reflect now that actually, I have spent quality time at my river's edge these last several days and notice as we slip closer to the summer solstice, what was once a dark beginning at her side is now bathed in the soft rays of a jealous sun. It is here most times, that a thought will enter my head and expand into something I can easily spread across a computer screen in understandable, yet sometimes fragmented statements that make sense to me as well as others as they too might struggle with small, life yielding events. So yes, I have been slightly reserved with my thoughts and feelings and can't understand the why or why not's my river fails to whisper a thought into my attentive existence as the world comes alive around me on these beautiful mornings. I am there. Where else could I possibly be?
Posted June 4 from my late afternoon home
Today is National Donut Day! I thought I had done exceptionally well by staying clear of the donut shop we affectionately call Harlow's. As I strolled through the executive offices of City Hall, I discovered a gift that awaited those who work within those hallowed offices, compliments of the Mayor's Chief of Staff. A token, of sorts, sat waiting for anyone that might choose to partake in the celebration of National Donut Day. As the plain cardboard box sat there with the absence of Harlow's Donuts printed boldly on the side, a new name was introduced into my mindset. American Donut? My lust of curiosity simply could not be controlled! Lifting the lid of this strangely shaped donut container, revealed the remaining few of the already picked through dozen glazed morsels of finely hewn dough that was deeply fried before being glazed with refined sugars. While engaging the pleasures of my sight, some prehistoric desire overcame my ability to turn away. Trying my best to refrain, I took my time savoring the taste as it was swallowed in only two bites. Approval was instantaneous! I walk to one of the executive offices and exchanged information with its tenant. She commented there was sugar on my mouth and laughed pointing out it was obvious that I had found the donuts, of which I could not deny. It was no longer a secret. The truth had been revealed. I had violated my sacred diet with the temptations of something sweet. How do I overcome the shame? I could have been distraught, yet I substantiated almost immediately in my mind the fact that a second more tasty donut could be as easily walked off on my afternoon treadmill stroll just as easily as one. As I departed the executive offices the lid was raised yet once again as another donut found favor with my palatable palate! By the time I sat before my computer in my office my greed and satisfaction was well tempered. Now to record the damages on my iPhone. As I selected the appropriate icon, I immediately went to snacks between breakfast and lunch. Under "other foods" I typed in donut and to my surprise a glazed donut appeared. One donut! 280 calories! As I rolled the select 1 donut to select 2 donuts, I realized that in a moment of weakness lasting less than 30 seconds, I had consumed 580 calories from my allowed 1800 total calorie day. *gasp* The horrors of the lack of discipline! A 4 mile walk at 3.8 mph only yielded a net result of -543 calories just yesterday. The question I wrestle with from hour to hour is do I want to die happy and fat or hungry weighing less than 250 pounds?
Posted June 6 from my office
I am sitting here with my 10 year old granddaughter and out of the clear blue I asked her if she liked Obama. She looked at me and shrugged her shoulders, saying she didn't know. I stopped my activity on my computer, looked directly into her eyes, and asked her if she liked Hillary. That precious child looked into my eyes and said, "Who?" At this very moment, her cell phone rang and she said, "Hi Ken!" It was the next thing out of her mouth that put everything right into its proper perspective. She asked what she felt was a more important question. "Do you like your braces?" As she walked away in conversation with her friend I wondered, "What I would give for simpler days!" And Ken? That is short for McKynly. Ken is Kyn and is a girl... And that is somewhat of a relief. I do not need to be concerned about that for another 5 years or so?
Posted June 11 from my afternoon home
As I settled into my morning routine at my office this morning, I noticed I had received a Private Message from a lifelong friend, Hilton Frizell. For those of you that don't know, Hilton and his wife Sandra, lost their middle son Jason, this past December of 2013 as a result of a long battle with substance abuse. Having not seen Hilton in 35 years or more other than being facebook friends, I was moved and strongly desired to attend this young man's wake and express my heart's concern to them personally. There was an awesome crowd of people in attendance at the funeral home as I waited in line an hour or longer before I could express my condolences. I was pleasantly surprised as I first approached his wife. As I introduced myself as one of Hilton's oldest friends, she extended her hand and said my name, "Rodney?" My heart was moved that she knew me from possible stories past as she stepped aside with a gracious smile allowing me to hug my old friend. Such a bittersweet moment now frozen in time. As I opened his message to me this morning, this is what I read: "Sandra and I were talking about how much it meant to us for you to have come to Jason's service. When we have bad days it's those thoughts that help us get through. We are blessed to call you a friend."
Another friend of mine asked me via the same media how I was doing this morning. I told her I was sitting at my desk passing time. I told her that Hilton just sent me a private message that touched my heart and that I was having one of those positive emotional moments as I exchanged smiles with her. She reminded me of another friend that reciently lost his son in a tragic accident. As I reflected back years ago to the loss of my niece Candy in a tragic automobile accident, things became surreal as I tried to focus on comforting words for her. I found myself remembering my own difficulties dealing with yet another rotation of my son Stewart as he deployed into harms way into Afghanistan time after time. As I tried to console my friend's feelings, I discovered I was consciously comforting Hilton and Sandra as well as myself as I shared the following with her:
I see the tree. I see the branch. I see the twig as it supports the leaves. I celebrate with the flush of spring. Yet as the leaf separates from the twig as the appropriate season or action intersects its time, do I mourn its death spiral to the earth it returns? The twig that harbored the leaf, what guilt should be born of its failure to maintain the leaf secure to the life giving source? Does the branch scorn the twig for failure to maintain the very thing that it's life depends upon for survival? How does the tree respond to the branch while it grieves the loss the twig is experiencing? Despite the understanding of the loss we so focus, there is the reality of reason which we cannot understand and struggle with. It just is! Yet as we mourn, let us look at the palm of our hand through eyes of faith and know the roots of our tree are still supported by the giver of the life of which we still possess. Should we not give thanks that the separated leaf truly existed in the first place and once gave us shade? What is, just is. Until it can't be anymore and that time will come too!
Posted June 13 from my morning office
This is the text I sent to my son Stewart for Father's Day. Last I heard from him a couple of weeks ago he was traveling commercial airlines to Malaysia to instruct their special forces in military free fall techniques. I have no idea where he is today and as of 1900 hours, not a word from him. The text:
I know not what part of God's earth your eyes opened to observe wherever your morning dawned. As I sit in church this morning I hope you are at your home in Alaska where you were assaulted by an estrogen ocean of beautiful young ladies that still believe that you and you alone hung the moon. I also hope you are where you might recognize and appreciate the love and support the matriarch of those young ladies provides for you! It is Father's Day and I have taught you well, my son. I pray you can avoid the mistakes I made with you, and if you can, I know you will be the father they so desire! I ask yet again for you to forgive me where I failed you and wish more than anything you have a very "awakening" day, set aside for just fathers. I love you.
As if he felt my presence, I received this text from him at 2015 hours: I'm still in Malaysia. Still have a week left. Happy Fathers Day also. So there is confirmation my son is alive and well, but not exactly where I wished he could have been... As for me? There is still comfort in my world. Sorta.
Posted June 15, Fathers Day from Church
As I sat on my patio this solstice morning, my mockingbird announced the sun's appearance at 06:05 am as she peeked through my Crepe Myrtles at 62 degrees Northeast according to the compass on my Iphone 4s... To my best estimates anyway. Summer is now officially the dominate season for 2014 as what I will remember as a cooler than normal spring archives its accomplishments in my mind. Grandkids are scattered throughout the interior of the residence piled up on pallets, couches or some bed with one of the Disney channel programs competing with the central air conditioner for audio sensory superiority in my early morning home. I chunked Meggie onto the patio early as she is obviously still hyper from avoiding muddling grandkids from what ever time they passed into the night. Cat should know better than awaken me on a Saturday morning! Its just another day in my world and I have absolutely nothing constructive planned. As I type a sentence here and pause, I look at the facebook entry that is frozen below mine that was posted by a life long friend. I read the poem he posted and imagine the hearts loss of a child. I ask our God to comfort both his and his wife's heart, praying they both find resolve their son is where NO ONE will ever take him away from them again. The sun is much higher now than when it first appeared. It grows warm on my patio. And it dawns on me just how fortunate I am this day to not have absolutely nothing constructive planned as my heart and soul are at peace.
Posted June 21 from my early morning home
Seems like every time I read this, my heart resets. So I read it again. May I ask you to bookmark this before you even begin this read because you will stumble across it again someday as you click on it as to remind yourself "just what it is" before you delete it. This collection of thoughts this young man explains in simple, understanding terms defines his generation's honored call and allows us to see the landscape of their efforts after the dust has settled. Do you know one of these young men? Women? The very best this country had to offer. It is so easy for each of us to scroll down to the next post this social media forum offers as I have done so many times, or you can simply click on this link, and follow your heart... Warning now, as it just might disturb your soul as well as incite a rage long suppressed at the failure history has collected to judge "our" generation's honored resolve! As you proceed through and process his reflections of the "way things are," ask yourself if we are not once again turning our back on the very best that stepped forward to right a very defined wrong? And the powers that be? We give them yet another free pass as to proceed with our grandchildren's generation without a moral conviction other than there own personal self-gain.
http://www.oafnation.com/musings-of-a-grey-man/2014/3/10/when-the-music-stops
Posted June 28 from my evening home
Our constitution was a Declaration of Independence from English rule yet at the same time a Declaration of Dependence to that document's Supreme Author, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! Thank you Pastor Nathan Martin for such a heart warming message today. And to those that can't remember, here is a reminder:
http://nation.foxnews.com/paul-harvey/2012/03/21/1965-if-i-were-devil-warning-nation-paul-Harvey
Posted June 29 after Church services at Christian Challenge.
Posted June 13 from my morning office
This is the text I sent to my son Stewart for Father's Day. Last I heard from him a couple of weeks ago he was traveling commercial airlines to Malaysia to instruct their special forces in military free fall techniques. I have no idea where he is today and as of 1900 hours, not a word from him. The text:
I know not what part of God's earth your eyes opened to observe wherever your morning dawned. As I sit in church this morning I hope you are at your home in Alaska where you were assaulted by an estrogen ocean of beautiful young ladies that still believe that you and you alone hung the moon. I also hope you are where you might recognize and appreciate the love and support the matriarch of those young ladies provides for you! It is Father's Day and I have taught you well, my son. I pray you can avoid the mistakes I made with you, and if you can, I know you will be the father they so desire! I ask yet again for you to forgive me where I failed you and wish more than anything you have a very "awakening" day, set aside for just fathers. I love you.
As if he felt my presence, I received this text from him at 2015 hours: I'm still in Malaysia. Still have a week left. Happy Fathers Day also. So there is confirmation my son is alive and well, but not exactly where I wished he could have been... As for me? There is still comfort in my world. Sorta.
Posted June 15, Fathers Day from Church
As I sat on my patio this solstice morning, my mockingbird announced the sun's appearance at 06:05 am as she peeked through my Crepe Myrtles at 62 degrees Northeast according to the compass on my Iphone 4s... To my best estimates anyway. Summer is now officially the dominate season for 2014 as what I will remember as a cooler than normal spring archives its accomplishments in my mind. Grandkids are scattered throughout the interior of the residence piled up on pallets, couches or some bed with one of the Disney channel programs competing with the central air conditioner for audio sensory superiority in my early morning home. I chunked Meggie onto the patio early as she is obviously still hyper from avoiding muddling grandkids from what ever time they passed into the night. Cat should know better than awaken me on a Saturday morning! Its just another day in my world and I have absolutely nothing constructive planned. As I type a sentence here and pause, I look at the facebook entry that is frozen below mine that was posted by a life long friend. I read the poem he posted and imagine the hearts loss of a child. I ask our God to comfort both his and his wife's heart, praying they both find resolve their son is where NO ONE will ever take him away from them again. The sun is much higher now than when it first appeared. It grows warm on my patio. And it dawns on me just how fortunate I am this day to not have absolutely nothing constructive planned as my heart and soul are at peace.
Posted June 21 from my early morning home
Seems like every time I read this, my heart resets. So I read it again. May I ask you to bookmark this before you even begin this read because you will stumble across it again someday as you click on it as to remind yourself "just what it is" before you delete it. This collection of thoughts this young man explains in simple, understanding terms defines his generation's honored call and allows us to see the landscape of their efforts after the dust has settled. Do you know one of these young men? Women? The very best this country had to offer. It is so easy for each of us to scroll down to the next post this social media forum offers as I have done so many times, or you can simply click on this link, and follow your heart... Warning now, as it just might disturb your soul as well as incite a rage long suppressed at the failure history has collected to judge "our" generation's honored resolve! As you proceed through and process his reflections of the "way things are," ask yourself if we are not once again turning our back on the very best that stepped forward to right a very defined wrong? And the powers that be? We give them yet another free pass as to proceed with our grandchildren's generation without a moral conviction other than there own personal self-gain.
http://www.oafnation.com/musings-of-a-grey-man/2014/3/10/when-the-music-stops
Posted June 28 from my evening home
Our constitution was a Declaration of Independence from English rule yet at the same time a Declaration of Dependence to that document's Supreme Author, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! Thank you Pastor Nathan Martin for such a heart warming message today. And to those that can't remember, here is a reminder:
http://nation.foxnews.com/paul-harvey/2012/03/21/1965-if-i-were-devil-warning-nation-paul-Harvey
Posted June 29 after Church services at Christian Challenge.
